Friday, November 21, 2008

my mind has been littered with trash for days.
i need to recycle my thoughts,
dump the garbage.

i haven't spoken to my oldest sister in a few years. she moved to canada to marry my mother's brother. when we do speak again, i'm uncertain what i should call her? aunt sister? sister aunt? fucking bitch!

they look like brother and sister, uncle and niece, husband and wife....
why did she have to marry my uncle? she could have married anyone of any race, creed or sex.
what made her fall madly in love with a blood relative?

is this just another one of those little things that i'm suppose to forgive and forget? one of those events that if i don't grant forgiveness for, if i don't 'give it to god', than i will not be granted access into the kingdom of heaven and will burn for all eternity in the pit of hell?

fuck that and fuck all the retarded perverts in my family!

we were suppose to be the generation of children that broke the chain of abuse. we were suppose to grow up and grow old and not continue the horrid family traditions.

a better life, a brighter world...

we almost made it. we did grow up, we did grow older...

why am i clouded with this now? my niece is coming for a month long visit with the son. it would impossible to avoid the subject of her mother for that entire time, especially with my mother being ill. things are going to come up.

i don't want to hear about how blissfully happy my sister aunt is being married to my uncle brother-in-law.

so since my sister is my aunt, my uncle is my brother-inlaw, what does that make my niece? is she my niece cousin? what about her relationship to her mother? is my sister aunt now her mother great aunt? is my uncle brother-inlaw now her great uncle stepdad?

maybe my niece cousin would like to give her mother great aunt and her great uncle stepdad a family tree for christmas.


Cas said...

Is it wrong that I'm laughing so hard?

Nic, we are saved by grace, not by works lest any man boast. God knows better than anybody how you feel, and He loves you and understands.

You are not responsible for the actions of your family. YOU have broken the chain. In fact, you smashed the fucking chain to powder. What anybody else does is there problem.

Cas said...

That was so profound until I misspelled their.