Sunday, November 16, 2008

ten seconds ago

i made a big decision ten seconds ago. thought i would document it, get it down on web paper, and hopeful it will stick. my decision was that i am going to write on this blog everyday. even if it's only one sentence, which is what?, three words. i can do that. i will do that. it doesn't have to be spectacular.

all my adoring fans will be happy with anything.

i know, i know what your thinking. it was the 'all my adoring fans part' that got you wondering, is this bitch crazy or what? believe me you're not alone there, i have thought the same thing many a late nights just to wake up the next morn realizing that it was only temporary.

i wake sane to face another day.

i should have called my son today. i need to be more careful with him. i am trying to give him space, plenty of room to grow, after all, he is the bird that left the nest. but now i worry i've given him too much space...

i can't believe i got a job. i don't know what my remote control will do without me all day long. oh well, my new cable box sucks anyways. i still don't have all my programs set correctly for recording. plus the picture keeps breaking up into little squares and freezes for several seconds at the most dramatic time in the show, than it blips back to life, skipping ahead, and i miss again.

am i inside a cable box?
freezing up,
breaking apart,
blipping back to life
wondering what the hell i missed.
it's not true, of course not,
this is just one of those crazy random thought that you have in the wee hours of the morn. you can't miss what you never had. the life i never had will never be missed. or so i use to believe, now i'm not so sure anymore.

i have trust issues. i just need to start trusting myself.
my children love me,
my husband loves,
my sisters love me,
my mom's love me,
my family and my friends love me.

god blessed me, and because of them all, tomorrow i will wake sane.

1 comment:

Cas said...

I am one of those adoring fans, lady, so if you'll commit to writing every day - even if it's just one line - so will I. I'm balancing on the razor's edge of quitting forever. Maybe this will spurn me onward.

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